“I will never find the light unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel.” — Bruce Lee
“A Candle Not a Torch”
This is a collection of writings about spirituality, ethics, and discipline, from a Christian perspective. I hope to offer practical guidance for thinking and living in ways that foster well-being, illuminated by the core insights of Jesus’s teachings, as related to us by the Gospel writers and as those insights have manifested themselves in other writings and actions through history.
I have put off writing this for a long time. I have put it off as I found myself unable to discern between a voice of conscience that reminds me to be aware of my own ego, and a voice of conscience that reminds me to be present in the world. In any case of writing or pastoring or claiming authority on these matters there is the potential to do so from a sense of ego — a writing to prove one’s own worth; an argument to defend one’s own judgment; an essay to show off one’s learning. It’s writing that makes ideas into idols.
As a trained lawyer, I realize only too well my aptitude and predilection for those sorts of arguments and behaviors; the very type Jesus warns against with respect to Jewish leaders of his time (Luke 11:37–11:54). Yet, now in the 2nd half of my life I also realize that the egoic impetus to argue and win is not the only impetus that might motivate one to write. There is also writing that makes ideas into values.
If I can muster a values-based perspective, then my physical impermanence warrants using a more permanent medium (as Brad Paisley reminds, the Internet is forever) to share my perspective. It’s worth the risk that someone might actually read this if it is possible that reader may then see things more fruitfully, forge a connection instead of cleave a chasm, or even be inspired to pursue a more loving disagreement. For I also believe that the best path we can follow is one that leads us to assert what we believe with confidence, absent the anxiety that leads to defensiveness.
So on with it. Given all knowledge derived from language involves reading and interpretation, and all English language reading and interpretation of scripture involves translation, some definition of terms is first in order.
“Spirituality” is a term I intend to convey the quality of any experience, thing, or person — including stories, dreams, actions, beliefs and principles — that draws a person closer to connection with “Spirit” (Greek πνεῦμα, “pneuma”) and in particular the Christian understanding of the Holy Spirit (identified as “the Lord, the Giver of Life,” in the Nicene Creed.
“Ethics,” I use to refer to principles of orientation that lead to beliefs and then again to actions, which have the quality of being just, leading to just outcomes, and leading to development of human well-being. This blog recognizes that what is considered “just” in any given case is not only debatable but may be pluralistic — there may be more than one right belief or action, and more than one good option (or no good options) in a given case. What is “ethical” in many cases is to refrain from judgment; indeed, Jesus so instructs (see Matthew 7:1–2).
Which then leads to discipline. By “discipline,” I mean both the common definition of training that corrects or perfects the mental faculties, moral character, or skills used in a field of endeavor. A punishment may serve as a form of discipline, but not all discipline (nor all suffering) is punishment.
Discipline is better thought of, I believe, as a practice of striving after excellence. It’s related to, but not contiguous with, a quality the Greeks referred to as “arete” (Greek: ἀρετή); a concept closely related to “virtue,” from the Latin virtus. While those concepts may have used to describe actions by males, acting in the public sphere (war, statecraft, etc.), that’s not the only possible meaning. Equally so, concepts of excellence and virtue can highlight the value of training and discipline, particularly in spiritual matters.
All of which is to say that on one hand, nothing in human life is ever truly finished or perfected. We may all do wrong (even when we think we’re doing right), we will all stumble, and we will all fail. Most if not all of us will encounter feelings of meaninglessness, frustration, and outrage. It’s core to the Christian understanding that humans will, at times, find themselves separated from God and overwhelmed by fear. The joy of being can be eclipsed at times by consciousness of impermanence.
And yet we all have, within us, the capacity to course-correct when this occurs. Discipline, as I see it, is a constant practice of finding, and connecting with an ethics that resonates, that truly satisfies, that yields calm, clarity of conscience, and spiritual joy. To be sure, grace is given and not earned. The point, though, is that grace also has to be accepted and trusted — and that requires a degree of self-discipline.
Calm, clarity of conscience, and joy are sure signs that one is developing one’s spirituality. I am convinced every person can, with practice, identify the voice of our intuition and distinguish it from the voice of our ego. Every person can connect with Spirit and distinguish between its joy and the satisfying but temporary good feelings that come with judgment and argument.
That’s a subject which matters a great deal in the context of Christianity. The word “pontificate” as a noun refers to the government of the Roman Catholic church. The word is more commonly used as a verb, of course — and the correlation of a Christian church with the concept of conceited lecturing is the tip of a much larger iceberg in the shipping lanes of our moral commerce.
Abuses unaddressed in the church, unwelcoming attitudes to LBGTQ humans, and other arrogances (in particular political arrogances) have created negative associations with Christianity that are likely related to declines in Christianity’s appeal and of various Christian responses aimed at recovering the core of Jesus’s teachings and fostering a new path, one that will study culture wars no more, and instead foster a greater appreciation for the inclusiveness of grace.
So that is the subject about which I will say much more about in writings to come: separating the self from the ego in order to evangelize by example, to argue with love, and to assert without judging. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6) To be a candle, not a torch.
